I have a terrible feeling of lost. Of achieving nothing.
I'm 32 this year and I have nothing. I finished high school of art but it gave me nothing since 15 years old kids learn how to use photoshop in school . I work , so I have no time to even draw . Last time I draw it was roughly 5 years ago.
I decided to learn Japanese since this year . I know it will give me nothing since the language is very popular nowadays . It will give me no job , because I have no studies . It will give me nothing but the big crisis hole in my fucking wallet . But I'm doing it , for my own sake .

My parents are starting to say "If we die , the money is in this bank , so check the papers " .
If we die ... I'm completely not prepared . I have not enough money to live alone , I know nothing about taxes , cause I'm complete ass at such things.

I'm alone . My younger brother died 9 years ago and again and again I realize that so many years passed and I just ...can't get used to this fact . We were always together , even if we fought . And I come back home , and it's as if he never lived here , never was . Only his pic in living room , his CD's , casettes , his clothes that I wear .

My memory is leaking like a strainer . I try to collect memories , but there is nothing . Slowly I start to not know what truly happened and what not .

Time passes by . Too fast for me . Please stop . Let me live .